dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
