You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
