Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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