Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
