i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He has the fingertips of a God
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