I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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