i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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