so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
