No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
