I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
