i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
