I cannot find my penis.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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