ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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