Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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