I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
