You're completely useless in the revolution.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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