so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
