You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
