I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
