Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This is my gift to your gina
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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