Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
