I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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