I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
