I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
