i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I licked your asshole in confidence.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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