Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Randomize
