Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
