it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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