The maid of honor just puked.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
