We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
