Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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