Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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