i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Your cock deserves a montage
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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