Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
