i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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