So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
