I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
