it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
