I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
