She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
