Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Did you pee in the oven last night??
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
