I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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