if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
