I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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