I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
