those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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