it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
