i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
