Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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