You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
