You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
