Duck Duck Cougar?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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