I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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