so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
