how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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